Hello everyone!

Hi! My name's Rook; I'm 23, non-binary, and I spiritually and partially psychologically identify as a Eurasian wolf, draconic nature spirit and hoplophoneus.

My awakening began when I was 12 or so, and at first I was only made aware of the wolfish aspects of my identity. It took two years or so of odd dreams and moments of weird instincts and urges before I finally realised that I was a canine - I mistook myself for a dog at first, but after a short time realised that... of course I'm a wolf. I never liked wolves particularly, and I suppose in some ways I would've preferred to be a dog, but it is what it is! I found the community a few months after I consciously realised I was nonhuman, and dived straight in. I was so relieved to just... not be alone in my experiences! It was amazing to me that others felt this way.

About a year later I recovered some very vivid past life memories, and after that is when my draconic spirit-self began to emerge. I denied it for a long time, and it took me even longer to form any kind of understanding of this aspect of myself... at first I thought I was some kind of evil beast, but that is far from the truth, as I now know. I've mistaken myself for a dragon, a demon, a deity... none of which are entirely inaccurate, but none of them describe me truly either. I am a nature spirit. I was not born and have no species; I'm a singular entity, formed from pure energy that became conscious and self-aware. I identify as a spirit of the planet Earth, and I believe I have existed in some form for roughly 4 billion years. I have some memories of this, mostly from the early times before life began, but it can be hard for me to grasp the entirety of what this kintype is. It's not an easy thing to comprehend... it's so alien. In some ways I see it as separate from my human personality, and I have a median headmate who represents it - but I also know that it is what I am, on the deepest level. I am just a drop in the ocean that is my spirit-self. My human personality and identity is... very, very small in comparison to it.

It took me most of my teen years to come to an understanding of my spirit-self, and it wasn't always easy, but the journey was worth it. I now know that I have incarnated as a huge myriad of animals over the course of my existence, the most recent of which was a life as a wolf. From incarnating, I learned how to feel emotions like love, happiness, contentment... and anger, and fear. My spirit-self is very animalistic in its experiences and feelings, but is also deeply intelligent - just not in a way that humans would recognise.

Most often, I visualise my spirit-self in the form of a black dragon made of shards of stone or obsidian, held together by pure white or blue energy - like lightning or plasma. But I'm also a shapeshifter, and can take both smaller and much larger forms (though still usually draconic in appearance), or take no form at all. I don't believe my spirit-self is a physical being (I think people would've noticed if there was a giant stone dragon wandering around!); it exists between the planes of the physical and spiritual, more present in the spiritual but with a strong affinity for the physical, despite having no influence over it.

My identity as a hoplophoneus is much "quieter", and is usually in the background, but is still very much an important part of me. I don't really know why I am a hoplophoneus, and I didn't even know they existed until I went in search of something that matched the feline-esque feelings I was having. This is the kintype I discovered most recently, though it was still a couple of years ago now, I believe (though I haven't went back and tracked down the record I kept of this, so maybe it was more recent, I'm not sure).

I lost touch with my otherkinity for a while, and only recently have managed to rekindle a connection with these aspects of myself. I think the community helps me remember to put some focus on my nonhumanity - when I left, it was so easy to get caught up in the mundane, and ultimately I feel like I kind of lost myself for a while. But lately I feel found, and it's an great feeling.

Aside from my nonhumanity, I'm... not that interesting, honestly! I live in Scotland with my sister and my dog, and am mostly unemployed due to severe disability (mental health-related), though I've been dabbling in taking art commissions and am trying to build a future for myself that isn't defined by my brain's annoying "quirks". I'm a digital artist! When I'm not drawing, I'm usually playing video games because I'm a huge nerd. I'm also co-host of a small mixed-origin plural system of mostly nonhumans, and I'm very interested in daemonism.

Sorry for rambling so much! I struggle with introductions, but when I get writing it's hard to stop, ahah! Anyway, it's nice to be here! Hopefully I'll see you all around. c:

•Hello hello friend! We’re happy to have you here! There’s no need to worry about rambling, it’s always nice when others speak about their experiences! Feel free to hang around and contribute to threads here! ^.=.^